Wow, what a spiritual journey this has been to this point. Filled with moments of great hope and moments of great despair. Today, is one of the last days of the healing phase of my recovery. Today, I let go of my earliest wound inside my body that haunts be to this day. The fear of death.
I can remember exactly where I was where and when I found about death from when I was three years old. What I didn’t know was the impact it would have on my life. And yes there was some wheat and also weeds in the fear of death.
The weeds prevented me from living a life of joy. Instead, I often felt like a little boy inside a grown man’s body. I felt powerless as a result. I can also remember trying to control when death would happen. I can remember being 8 years old and saying things like, “I’m one tenth of the way through my life!” I had developed and victim’s mentality.
The wheat of having the fear of death is that it kept me safe. It kept me from accepting adult responsibilities at an earlier age. You see if I didn’t have the fear of death, I may have accepted a “mediocre” life. You know go to work from 9-5, come home, have a little fun, go to bed and do it all over again. Sounds miserable! It also kept me safe from ultimately committing suicide last year.
You see I could never actually see myself committing suicide. Underneath the facade of life I had been living, I loved myself and others too much to let that happen. As I have worked through the other emotional scars in my life, I am finally ready to let go of that fear. I’m ready to reap the rewards of the spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 states, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”
Come have Your way. Lord, I’m ready now.
“Oh Lord I’m ready now
All the walls are down
Time is running out
And I wanna make this count
I ran away from you
And did what I wanted to
But I don’t wanna let you down
Oh Lord I’m ready now
Lord I’m ready now”